Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen (This review is a bit rubbish)

Ultimate pizza brain, lad’s lad film maker, Michael Bay, returns with more fighting robots making a right mess of our lovely planet earth.

Shia Lebouf is the quick witted, fast talking, Sam Witwicki, flesh bodied friend of the huge clunking Autobots in battle with the evil Decepticons.

Predictably it isn’t too long until, Megatron, frozen a million miles under the ocean, escapes and sets about exacting his revenge.

As expected, the plot is about as complicated as a cheese sandwich and unlike its predecessor; the multiple and lengthy scenes of the Autobots, rolling in, rolling up and rolling out are barely impressive.

We’ve seen it all before and as with all blockbuster sequels everything is bigger. The explosions are bigger, the battles are longer and unfortunately none of this equates to a better film.

Megan Fox is put in uncompromising and seductive positions and the utter ridiculousness of her relationship with Lebouf is brought further into focus. I mean come on, the good guy never gets the girl, nice guys always finish last and Fox’s character would still be with that idiot oaf with the big arms in Transformers 1.

Jealousy aside and back to the plot.

Megatron reports to his over bearing leader, The Fallen, an all conquering, merciless warrior hell bent on using the sun’s energy to fuel his race for another millennium or two.

Sam is barely halfway through his first day at college before he is called to help the Autobots. He refuses at first but of course we know he’ll be back, shouting and running in slow motion.

The film makes no apologies for its patriotism, screaming “Americaaaa Fuck Yeaaah,” as earth’s natural born leaders from the U.S.A. decide that all the trouble being caused is the fault of Optimas Prime and chums.

A myriad of multicultural, bit part robots are introduced, sporting different accents and personalities making it difficult to understand what Transformers actually are? And why do they have teeth?

Strangely, with something as simple as a change of location, as the battle moves out of the city and into Egypt the film suddenly grabs your attention with rockets flying and metal clashing.

The battle sequences are long, frantic, confusing and quite frankly, until Optimas or Megatron tear something’s arms or head off, I have no idea what’s going on or who’s winning, nor do I care.

Without being entirely engrossing, Transformers 2 does assault the senses just often and just hard enough to satisfy as a knock-em sock-em visual spectacle.